"I'm leavin on a jet plane.........."

Wow the day has finally arrived..
I leave tonight for France...
I leave to persue a dream...
At this point it seems that there is a certian amount of fear.. What am I talking about there is a whole lot of fear... What might happen what if what will i do???
oof doesn't seem fair to me that it should be a lot easier to persue something that makes you happy... But I guess, as the saying goes... Anything worth having is worth fighting for...
Dreams are hard to keep hold of... They are hard to stay focused on. And sometimes the fight doesn't seem worth it... Sometimes keeping our eyes on the goal seems more important than the journey toward that said goal..
Ya miss out on a whole lot when your eyes are focused so far ahead.. Jeesh I wish I could believe what i write...
Right now I sit here with a pit in my stomach wondering what if??
and scared half out of my mind.. But then i remember that i felt the exact same way when i moved here 12 years ago.. STRANGE!!
Far to many things to think about when you are persuing a dream... Some say if there were no dreamers we wouldn't have certian things....
Well, I often wonder what if I were just supposed to be a normal person... Workin at Wal-mart. Raising a family.... stuff like that... see plenty of happy people walking with their kids. Taking them to school. Going to work. Living their life and they are satisfied with that... And that's a good thing..... Then I ask my self why can't I be satisfied with that? Then i say to myself well, what is normal... For me running around the world chasing dreams seems to be the normal thing to do.... I often will tell my friends who often times sit back and watch their lives pass by, you have to live your dreams. because then your life becomes a "WHAT IF" I often preach it as if it were gospel. Sure it is easy for me to say you should follow your heart but when it comes to me... It's not as easy as I preach... I just sometimes wish that I would listen to myself...
Maybe i wouldn't throw myslef into fits of panic and i would just let things happen...
Naw that wouldn't be me...
I have been asked to give it up to a higher power... And that God won't give us anything we cannot handle... Well, I believe that most of the time. Most of the time. I suppose the universe only gives us what we can handle. Some of us must be made of iron because the universe hands out some pretty tough shit.. Yet we are still here...... Yet the dreamers keep dreaming and the practial comon sense folks keep the world sane... It's just us crazy Mutha F&*@ *$# That keep the world on it's toes.
It's real hard to be a dreamer and live in a world where comon sense rules... Following your heart in a world full of head followers. WHEW!!
So now I am off to follow a dream.. To have the courage to fail and to get back up and dream even bigger if I do. But some how deep down inside I know I can't fail. I know that I can't just work at Wal-Mart I can't just have a 9 to 5 job I have to follow my dream. I have to make the things that I dream about a reality. And that's why I got a one way ticket to France and a heart full of hope and love... HOW CAN I GO WRONG?
So gang wish me luck and stay close to the blog... It's gonna be a hell of a ride..
~Mel~